Flower Roots
IMG_0080

Hey, Good-Lookin’.

Whatcha got cookin’?

Thanksgiving is this week, so I hope you have mentally and physically prepared for this very sweet holiday.

I’m pretty stoked because this year will be my unspoken “coming of age” Thanksgiving due to me bringing my first dish to the family gathering. It’s time to fly from the nest and realize that by 23, it’s not cute anymore to put my name on Mom’s dish when everyone knows she obviously did everything.

I am also stoked because I have successfully not listened to Christmas music nor have I bought any decorations or put anything up.

I believe in embracing this holiday for what it is, and having a full meal to fuel you for Black Friday (or really Thursday) is not the meaning of Thanksgiving.

Before I get too involved with the agonizing pain that I go through when talking about consumerism during the holidays, let’s move on.


To stick with the season of Thanksgiving, there’s a lot going on during this event.

We all go to our family meals or other friends of our choosing, and it’s a time of celebration and being thankful.

We try our best to hold it together as to not show what bothers us daily in order to express how thankful we are for the season we are in and the life we are living.

But once we have our second and third helpings of dressing (not stuffing (southern plug)) and turkey, we are reminded of the reality that lives within us.

We aren’t reminded by other people (though we do have that one relative that likes to poke the bear at holiday gatherings (I sure as heck do)). Instead, we are reminded by the most powerful and most capable of being the most negative entity in our lives:

Our minds.

No matter how hard we try to drown out the noise and the hate, our minds tend to be louder.

It gets so hard.

For me, I have been feeling so free and victorious over struggles, and during this freedom, that struggle creeps in where it’s hardest to fight through it.

To be less vague, God has, what I like to believe, freed me officially from the struggle of pornography.

(if that term shocks you, then you have not read my past post, and you can read that here)

Sure, I have not at all felt led to go to any sites, I haven’t felt tempted to partake in self-gratification, and the cloud that had formed over my heart towards true love has started to clear from this freedom.

However, my mind is still actively against me.

I was at the gym this morning (balance out the million pounds I will gain Thursday), and out of nowhere… BOOM.

My brain was screaming at me.

It was showing me images I’ve seen and inappropriate situations that it made up all on its own.

It just kept attacking me as I was about to pass out on the treadmill.

I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted it to stop.

I prayed that God would clear my mind, but as I thought those words, those even seemed to stutter internally due to the strength of these images.

WHAT THE HELL?

I’M TRYING TO BE FREE HERE. DANG IT.

As I was struggling to get through the chaos to the clarity of Jesus in the middle of a gym that smelled of burritos, I heard God just say,

“Turn your music up louder.”

I turned it up.

No, it wasn’t worship music. As nice as that is and would seem, I cannot get pumped to work out to emotional praises.

Instead, you better believe I cranked up Tove Lo, MIA, and Halsey.

I just blared the fast-paced techno music that shamelessly got me through the rest of my workout.

The images tried to stay, but that chaos just couldn’t compete with the physical chaos I turned up in my ears.


I say all of this because there are times when we are trapped by our minds.

We don’t know where to escape. We don’t know where the exit is because the sign can’t be seen through the cloud of darkness that has filled our heads.

We also don’t have a 100% promise that we won’t go through that battle again.

All we have is that moment and how we are going to handle it.

So in those times when you feel weak and you feel hopeless and helpless,

Just turn the music up.

If you can’t spiritually handle that attack,

Just turn the music up.

And when you’re trying to enjoy a Thanksgiving meal with your friends/family and can’t seem to hear them through your thoughts,

Just turn the music up.

Love you guys and happy Thanksgiving,

Karlye

Karlye Hayes

2 Comments

  1. Reply

    Tayler

    November 25, 2015

    Turn up some Adele 🙂 haha cue “Hello” at the Thanksgiving table!

    Anyways, wow thank you for being raw and real! There might be a stronghold that needs to be broken for you. That is the case for me, in an internal struggle in my mind that is sexual. I am doing all I know I can, but Papa has to come even closer. I might need to get healing prayer with some mentors, but ultimately the strongman has GOT to go! I pray the same happens for you in the weeks to come! You are a fighter and I pray for friends that are fighters to come around you!

    • Reply

      Karlye Hayes

      November 26, 2015

      Thank you for reading and sharing your heart, Tayler! We are never alone in our struggles, and I pray that the both of us will come out of this with huge metaphorical muscles, which I know we will!!

LEAVE A COMMENT

RELATED POST