Flower Roots

I Am So Tired

March 14, 2016 0 Comments


Hello there, you beautiful beautiful unicorn’s spawn.

How are you today?

Have you already started the day checking yourself out in the mirror?


I’ll wait here until you do it.

Seriously, go do it.

Okay, hey again!

Have you ever been in a storm that is full of good things?

I know that sounds completely weird, but I feel that I am currently “struggling” with this.

I say “struggling” with quotation marks because I am still not sure if I could call a struggle a struggle if it’s from good things.

To share a little more, here’s what’s going on.

In the past few months (I guess since 2016 has started) I have created a Kickstarter for a business, received the full funds of said Kickstarter (thus officially starting my business), been given several opportunities to lead worship for different churches and events (something I am far from comfortable with but very thankful for), served and spoke at other church events, got this blog back up and running, got hired for a new job to do something I love: correcting grammar (!), took on some side work designing simple wedding invites and thank-you cards, and still managed to go to the gym regularly to release all of the remaining energy I’ve had left.

Yeah, this does not sound like a struggle. If anything, it looks like I have my life all worked out.

The thing is, though, all of this is happening at one time seemingly. So instead of what you’re reading, this is how I’m feeling that list says:

klasjdf;liefaj;sdkjfkljflk;eajfajlkjfksljekl;fjk;lja;klsjelk;jeijfeiafjevklekljfaksljjeifjeicnkeslfjklej lkajdjkjaskldjf;kljeijaijkkdjkjdrenndgiasdkfiefa;ilnv  adskjf; ;iaejfieji  askdjfkajesijfas ekf ekfkaesjf;lsjekljfal;skejfkljefklej  kj;akljkj dfkjefjkejakjef     lkasjefkljeifjei;ajfeijifjaissekljfklejfa esf;klasjef;jak;ljeksjekljkrljejf etc.

I am trying to look back and see when it was that I felt this tired all of the time, and I know I have been pretty tired in the past because I constantly struggle with putting too much on my plate. But all of this stuff is kind of happening to me instead of me choosing to put them on my plate. Sure, the starting of a business was my choice, but really all of the other things happened at the same time on their own and I had nothing to do with it. I just said, “yes,” to them.

So what I’m saying is, I’m so freaking exhausted. I’m exhausted from starting a business, working at my current job, working at the new job on the days off from the current job, going to lead worship wherever God tells me to go on weekends or weeknights, and still trying to have a social life all at the same time.

Usually in these circumstances, I am told to let some things go, but for the first time, I feel that I have to plow through this for a phase. I am well aware that this won’t last forever.

I’m aware that my current job will soon no longer be my job once the new job becomes more regular. I’m aware that the stress of starting a business will fade a tiny bit once I make the right connections to get the word out.

I’m also aware that God is opening doors for me that I never saw in that hallway, and I just have to say that I’ll go for whatever because the unknown is exciting for the first time.

This storm is temporary.

I mean, for the first time, I cried my eyes out in my car (I’m talking ugly crying), yelling at God that I was so thankful. I was crying from exhaustion but so grateful for what has filled my life for these past few months. I don’t think I’ve ever gross cried through exhaustion to express happiness. It’s flipping weird.

But why do I think you would care to read any of this?

I don’t think you would care to be honest. You may have checked out and I’m just typing on here to no one. I can talk to a wall, so typing to one is no problem.

I am telling you all of this to say that 1) I needed to selfishly decompress everything that’s happening in my life, and 2) You need to know that these things happen, and it’s okay to be in the midst of a cooler storm than the negative ones.

Life is not always going to be a balanced schedule regardless if the things filling it are good or bad.

So I want you to think twice before backing out of something if you’re feeling tired.

You could be adding too much on your plate, but there’s also a chance that all of the things on your plate are needed for you to grow, and for now, it may be necessary for you to just look up to God in gratitude and plow through the craziness that is your passionate lifestyle.

It’s not okay to always be exhausted for the rest of your days, but our generation is so afraid of committing to too much for too long that we tend to dip out when we feel overworked.

Get this, we must work, generation! I know that is NUTS to read!

For those of you who are graduated from schooling, it takes work to keep your relationships close. It takes work to get the job you want. It takes work to achieve your passions. It takes work to be called by God to do something because He’s calling us to work in different areas.

So as I sit here feasting on a burrito literally called the “Homewrecker” and feeling the throb in my tired feet, I’m going to choose to be thankful for the exhaustion instead of rebuke it.

I’m going to choose to be grateful that God used me down to my very last drop and now He gets to do the rest of the work that my body cannot achieve.

And because no one has complained about me or has said that I am a delusional, irritated human, I’d say God has already acted as an extension in my life because I can guarantee if He wasn’t doing all this, I would have yelled at someone while laughing in a hysterically-terrifying way.

If you’re struggling with the storm of good things, sit tight. This is your time to let God do what you can’t and for you to know what working in His favor looks like from time to time.

Like Rihanna wisely says several times, “Work.”

We got this.

Okay, I’m going to go to sleep so hard.

Love you guys!