How are you?
I hope that this past week has been full of unexpected circumstances and huge lessons as the outcome of those circumstances.
I also hope that you ate a lot of good food.
So today, I shall start with a story.
Come gather around.
*based on a true story because I don’t remember specific statements*
*just covering my tracks for Mom’s sake*
Once upon a time, I was in fourth grade.
It was the last day of school, and so just like any last day of school, Mom would buy me a disposable camera to take so that I can capture the joy of all of my friends as we celebrate no longer doing homework or following dress codes.
So all day long, I took pictures. I took as many as the camera would allow because I was moving away the following year, so I had to remember everyone because a twenty-minute drive to see them equated to a 6-hour drive in my fourth grade mind.
A few days later, Mom and I went to pick up the printed pictures at our local Pharmacy. I was so excited to see my film creations of baby fat and lost teeth.
But when I looked at the pictures, they were all dark.
It was like the camera wore sunglasses throughout the entire day.
Mom said, “What happened? Did you not use the flash?”
“Mommy, there was no flash on the camera. I looked.”
Mom made her (are you kidding me?) face, “Karlye, there’s no such thing as not having a flash on a dang (edited because it wasn’t dang) disposable camera. Now the pictures are ruined.”
I tried to the extent of my 10-year-old heart to get her to believe me. I knew there was no flash on the camera. By this grade, I had used a disposable camera so much that I felt that I was basically a professional.
However, with Mom’s stern look and passionate volume in her voice, I decided to stand down and throw in the towel. I was happy with the pictures regardless, but I was upset that Mom didn’t believe me and I had already thrown away the camera to check for myself if I was right or wrong.
Mom and I were going somewhere in her car, and I could sense that something was wrong with her.
I just sat and waited for her to tell me because we are that oddly open with each other all of the time even today.
“Karlye, I have to tell you something.”
“(takes a huge breath to prepare herself) You were right.”
Now, being ten, I had already forgotten about the camera thing. I was on to more important things like what I was getting at Limited Too or how many times I would listen to my Hanson tape. Yes, tape.
“Right about what, Mommy?”
“You were right about the disposable camera. It didn’t have a flash. I found the box.”
She takes out the box out of the center console.
“I am so sorry for not believing you.”
Apologizing is so freaking hard.
The older I’ve gotten, the harder it seems at times to do it.
I usually feel right all of the time, so why apologize when I’m always right and spiritually sound?
Ugh, it is just so difficult and it really shouldn’t be.
But through difficulties come victories, and this past week, I’ve had to apologize to more things than I’d like to.
I mean, apologizing for one thing is more than I’d like to.
Is it because I’m prideful? Absolutely.
Apologizing has oftentimes made me feel “beneath” others as well as made me think that I’m this horrible person that can never be nice to a single person again.
Like I should only apologize if I did something huge like hit someone with my car because that would mean I was sort of horrible.
So yeah, when I apologizing for being what they call, “salty,” my feelings equate to hitting one with a car.
Yeah, I am dramatic.
I say all of this because even though it is a huge struggle to say that I’m sorry, I want to share this with you so that we can work on this together. It’s hard for everyone to say that they’re sorry.
So in order to push through, let’s get a few things straight:
Apologizing does not make you beneath anyone. If anything, it takes courage and maturity to do it, so you’re an even better person when you put yourself out there in that way.
Apologizing doesn’t label you as a terrible person. We do sh*t every day that can make others upset. We cut people off, we interrupt people while they’re talking, we immediately think we are right in any argument; thus, getting red in the face to prove our always right point, we are short with people for our own selfish reasons, and we secretly judge people based on their appearance alone.
We actually deserve to apologize once every minute, but thankfully, we don’t necessarily have to that often. If we did, we would probably have to apologize for apologizing too much.
Reader, let’s just be challenged in humbling ourselves and reminding ourselves that we all make mistakes, we all get hurt, we all have stories, we all have bad days, but we all are on the same playing field and because of that, we all deserve to love on each other despite the negative things.
So let’s show love this week by apologizing when it needs to happen, and owning up to our human imperfections.
Also, sorry Mom that I shared that story because I know that’s one of those stories you’re tired of hearing, but I love you and you love me so thanks for that.
Love you guys!