Hello, young angel.
I hope your life lately has been full of moments that have led to your face turning as red as the fallen leaves, regardless if that’s a good thing or not. The redder the face, the more memorable the story.
For a bit, I have been working on a story that is just being written as a creative outlet and nothing else, and I couldn’t be happier with the decision to write it.
It has led me to verbally decompress feelings and emotions as I try to portray the speaker’s personality as much as possible, and this decompressing started as something tough because feelings are lame.
I’ve written on here before about my thoughts on having feelings, more specifically about crushes, and how it is struggle for me to call these emotions my own. This struggle obviously still arises today.
Outside of the story itself and into my real life, I’ve been faced with many instances where I have felt different ways, but I punish myself or just try to negate them because feelings aren’t worth the trouble. Even in moments where I’d actually like to feel something, I’ve felt like showing any emotion has been unaccepted by my surrounding people, depending on the circumstance.
Poor emotions. They just want a moment for themselves.
So in my world of stuffing emotions down the drain and masking their rotting smell with emotionless Febreeze, I now realize that the mixture of fake lavender and moldy garbage has turned into a fog, and I have lost myself in it.
Having to disregard my emotions in most circumstances turns me into some cloud that just morphs into whatever space everyone puts me into.
But as I’ve been writing this story, tapping into my emotions has been, surprisingly, the most relieving experience after I just gave up trying to hold up the wall around my feelings. My arms grew tired and I just didn’t feel like working out to make them stronger. Instead, I let the walls crumble and the emotions just fell out.
Writing has made me feel at home again. It has made me less like a cloud filling other spaces but rather, I’m the space that the words are filling. I’m the one allowing the feelings to go as they please and fill my entire being.
So yes, all of my giggling-schoolgirl feelings have flooded into this story as well as my over-thinking and fantasies of the what-if’s in silly situations. Even my pain, no matter how unnecessary it would seem to others, has made a space for itself in these times of writing. It’s splendid.
Maybe you’re not a writer. But I believe everyone has the capability of being creative, but that creativity stems from how you use your inner being, and if you aren’t accepting who you are and how you feel, then how in the world are you supposed to create something bigger?
Join me in the challenge of no longer being in denial of the feelings we have. Join me in stopping the tradition of apologizing for how we feel initially about situations. It’s not about how we feel anyway, it’s about how we handle them.
(So this is me saying that lashing out at someone because you are upset is not the best option, but allowing them or yourself to snuff out your initial emotions is also not the best.)
Therefore, find a healthy way to unload your feelings, reactions, and the tugged heartstrings.
Feel all the feels first and figure them out later so that you can realize why you feel the way you do and how to move forward.
Wash yourself of the roughness and allow for the tenderness of you who you truly are come out and breathe for a sec.
Because even if it seems outrageous or “too sensitive,” every part of you deserves a time to be heard and noticed by you.
You are worthy to feel, so give yourself that leisure.
Love you guys!